How to get what you want from private counselling (part one)

Welcome to blog 3 of 2022. Each month we focus on a topical theme of counselling therapy, which I hope will help you in your decision to seek therapy and support you in your journey.

When you opt for private counselling, you're paying for accessibility, flexibility and an opportunity to choose. But how do you get the counselling you want? This and next month's blog outline some key points to consider when searching for private counselling.

1. Identify the Issue

This may not be easy but try to identify what's bothering you: whether it's anxiety, low-mood, self-confidence, work-related issues or your relationship. Then aim to choose a counsellor specialising in this issue. This is even more important if you're wanting support for such issues as addiction, debt, disordered eating, domestic violence, to name a few.

If you're finding it difficult to identify a specific issue, try naming your feelings instead.

If you're finding it difficult to identify a specific issue, try naming your feelings instead. Describing feelings of confusion, overwhelm or loneliness, for example, should be enough for a counsellor to know how they may be of help to you. Part of the process of counselling will involve helping you to understand what underlies your difficulty.

You may be aware that your issue is multi-layered. Low-self esteem, due to your working environment and difficulties in your relationship, could be an example. In which case, it would be beneficial to seek a counsellor who can confirm that they have experience of working with all of these areas.

2. Choose a Modality

The main umbrellas of counselling therapy in the UK are psychodynamic, behavioural and humanistic, but there are many types of counselling and it can feel tricky deciding which modality would best suit you and the issue(s) you wish to address. You can seek advice from your GP or local mental health service provider. Advice and information is also available from the NHS, mental health charities and online networks.

Psychodynamic counsellors aim to help you identify patterns in your behaviour that are linked to past experiences and affect the present. Psychodynamic counselling is rooted in psychoanalysis. Dream Analysis and Free Association are techniques used in psychodynamic counselling. Therapy is usually medium- to long-term (25-50+ sessions).

Behavioural counsellors aim to offer techniques to help you change problematic behaviours. You will be supported in setting goals for yourself and there will be tasks to complete. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) and Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) are examples of behavioural therapy. Therapy is usually short- to medium-term (5-20 sessions).

Humanistic counselling focuses on your unique personal experience and perceptions. The counsellor aims to be genuine in their offer of empathy and acceptance, whilst supporting you through a process of change. Person-Centred and Gestalt therapy are examples of humanistic counselling. The counsellor and client may agree on a time-limited therapy or open-ended.

3. Do your Research

You can find counsellors via online directories, counselling bodies, health and wellbeing centres, mental health networks, local magazines and advertising, and recommendations. Experience, modality and qualifications all matter. If a counsellor is registered with a counselling governing body or reputable directory, you can check their credentials. It pays to do your research - take the time to read through counsellors' profiles carefully.

It pays to be thorough in your research - take the time to read through counsellors' profiles carefully.

If you can, make an initial enquiry by email or phone. If it is not evident that a counsellor is registered or you do not feel you have sufficient information, ask for details. Many counsellors offer a free consultation or an introductory session at a reduced-fee. If a practitioner does not offer a consultation, it would be wise to do your homework before committing your time and money to a first session.

Like it or not, presentation matters and how a counsellor presents could be a deal breaker.

Like it or not, presentation matters and how a counsellor presents could be a deal breaker. What do you make of a counsellor's profile? Is there a photo? What of their expression and demeanour? If they have a video, how do they sound? If the counsellor has a website or webpage, check it out. What do they reveal about their way of working and would this suit you? Can you imagine confiding in them?

4. Go for the added Extras

Despite the sub heading, some criteria may crucially affect your choice of counsellor, such as gender, race, sexuality faith, etc. Speaking with a counsellor of similar identity can sometimes feel reassuring. Or you may have reasons for choosing a counsellor who is dissimilar, in age or background, for example. Don't be afraid to prioritise your preferences and search accordingly.

You're going to be sharing difficult material in counselling; if you feel drawn to a counsellor early on, it will make things easier for you.

Remember: this is your therapy - get the counselling you want.

Be sure to re-visit for part two in blog 4.

Useful links:

https://www.marypascallcounselling.com/post/how-do-i-find-a-good-therapist

https://www.bacp.co.uk/about-therapy/types-of-therapy/

https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/talking-therapies-medicine-treatments/talking-therapies-and-counselling/counselling/

https://www.baatn.org.uk/find-a-therapist/

https://www.bacp.co.uk/about-therapy/how-to-find-a-therapist/

Do you have what it takes to be an effective counsellor?

Post 2 of 22. Each month we will focus on a topical theme of counselling therapy, which I hope will help you in your decision to seek counselling or to become a therapist! If you're new to my blog, please do take a look at previous posts which include information on how to find a suitable therapist. Welcome to all.

It just keeps happening - you find yourself engaging with people and quickly entering into conversations of a personal nature. Friends, family and colleagues remark on your listening skills. 'Thanks for listening' is a common refrain from friends after meeting up for a coffee or a walk. Indeed, friends check-in because they need to 'talk something through' and they find you 'therapeutic'. You don't mind this, in fact you enjoy listening and being of support; you like to be of help. You've often thought, and been told, that you should consider becoming a counsellor.

Good listening skills and a willingness to help can go a long way. But there are other skills and qualities that make an effective counsellor.

Good listening skills and a willingness to help can go a long way towards offering support to those in need. But there are other skills and qualities that make an effective counsellor. The list below suggests some of the key qualities.

1 Confidence

2 Self-awareness

3 Non-judgmental

4 Empathic

5 Communicative

6 Eye for detail

7 Patience

8 Resilience

9 Ethical practice

10 Trusting

11 Pragmatic

12 Organised

Another attribute, often overlooked or found wanting, is an ability to address self-care and achieve a reasonable work-life balance. It's the key to avoiding burn-out in any helping profession. Counsellors need to be diligent when it comes to self-care. Resilience can only take us so far.

Counsellors need to be diligent when it comes to their own self-care. Resilience can only take us so far.

If you've been thinking about the possibility of becoming a counsellor and have found yourself 'ticking' the qualities listed above, why not give it some more thought? Take some time to look into what training courses are available. You could begin with an introduction to listening skills course.

You may find the following links useful:

https://www.bacp.co.uk/careers/careers-in-counselling/training/

https://www.open.ac.uk/courses/careers/counselling

https://www.healthcareers.nhs.uk/explore-roles/psychological-therapies/roles/counsellor

Feeling stuck? You can find support to make that change

A new year and a new approach to my blog. Each month we will focus on a topical theme of counselling, which I hope will help you in your decision to seek therapy and support you in your therapeutic journey. If you're new to my blog, please do take a look at previous posts, which include information on how to find a suitable therapist. Welcome to all.

So 2022 has begun and many of us are wondering what's in store for us. Some, despite the challenges of the pandemic, spent the last days of the old year finalising a plan for the year ahead. Whilst others have plumped for taking each moment as it comes and making the most of things. Then there are those of us who feel, well...stuck.

When you're asking yourself: 'How on Earth did I get to this place?' you're in stuck mode.

Glued, wading through treacle, numbed and zoned out or aching and screaming inside; when you're asking yourself: 'how on Earth did I get to this place?' you're in stuck mode. Longing for other possibilities and unable to imagine what these could be or how to achieve them? Or is your mind all aflicker with fantasies, daydreaming a life that privileged others live, convinced that for you this will never be? Perhaps you are stuck because you are afraid of letting go; because you feel trapped and powerless.

It seems important to acknowledge that feeling stuck is not a choice. Neither is it something that just befalls you. Stuckness takes time to develop. It creeps up on you, climbs stealthily onto your shoulders, grows heavy and then drags.

It can, sometimes, feel oddly reassuring to be stuck and uncomfortable in your self. Perhaps it's the familiarity of the routine, albeit mundane.

It can, sometimes, feel oddly reassuring be stuck and uncomfortable in your self. Perhaps it's the familiarity of the routine, albeit mundane. Like an old coat that's noticeably fraying at the cuffs and hem, it's difficult to shed. So why become unstuck? The answer is that you'll feel better for it and live a life that's more satisfying.

There are phases of being stuck. First comes a recognition that you are experiencing discomfort, dissatisfaction or an unhappiness beyond your control.

There are phases of being stuck. First comes a recognition that you are experiencing discomfort, dissatisfaction or an unhappiness beyond your control. You feel weighed down by your feelings or numbed by the monotony of your routine. Perhaps you make an attempt, maybe several, to break the cycle, but are unsuccessful.

Exhausted, depleted, defeated, you resign yourself to enduring your plight. You may tell yourself, or be told by others, that there are reasons why you should accept your lot. You feel flat; you believe that others around you are happy and making progress, whilst you are stuck in a rut. Or you may slip into denial, disconnecting from reality; from the life you're living.

So how do you become unstuck? Only when you begin to crave change do you begin the process of becoming unstuck. Even if there's only a flicker of desire, there's hope.

So how do you become unstuck? Only when you begin to crave change do you begin the process of becoming unstuck. Even if there's only a flicker of desire, there's hope. But you have to choose to change. Becoming unstuck is not an easy task; it requires commitment and considerable effort on your part. Such a craving can be difficult and painful, and there's no way of telling how long it may last. You could attempt to tackle this alone or with the help of those who care for you, but the support of a counsellor can be highly beneficial.

You could attempt to tackle this alone or with the help of those who care for you, but the support of a counsellor can be highly beneficial.

An important part of becoming unstuck involves recognising what it is that you want to change and then what steps you may have to take to achieve this. Taking responsibility is key. This will feel risky and will require working on increasing your motivation and self-confidence. These are areas where the right therapist can offer support. Right. as in right for you (see my post on 'How do I find a good therapist?').

So whether you're waiting to see what opportunities may come your way, wanting to take control and develop a plan, trying to embrace the present, or all three of the above, It's a good time to seek support from a therapist who can support you through the process of becoming unstuck. The right therapist will encourage and help build your self-confidence, so that you can move towards making a change.

Become unstuck - choose to take the chance to change.

You may be interested in the following:

https://www.bacp.co.uk/about-therapy/what-therapy-can-help-with/

https://www.youngminds.org.uk/young-person/my-feelings/stuck/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ku9gabtzmX8