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  • Writer's picturemarypascallcounselling
    • Feb 2, 2022
    • 2 min read

Do you have what it takes to be an effective counsellor?

Updated: Mar 31, 2022


Post 2 of 22. Each month we will focus on a topical theme of counselling therapy, which I hope will help you in your decision to seek counselling or to become a therapist! If you're new to my blog, please do take a look at previous posts which include information on how to find a suitable therapist. Welcome to all.


It just keeps happening - you find yourself engaging with people and quickly entering into conversations of a personal nature. Friends, family and colleagues remark on your listening skills. 'Thanks for listening' is a common refrain from friends after meeting up for a coffee or a walk. Indeed, friends check-in because they need to 'talk something through' and they find you 'therapeutic'. You don't mind this, in fact you enjoy listening and being of support; you like to be of help. You've often thought, and been told, that you should consider becoming a counsellor.


Good listening skills and a willingness to help can go a long way. But there are other skills and qualities that make an effective counsellor.


Good listening skills and a willingness to help can go a long way towards offering support to those in need. But there are other skills and qualities that make an effective counsellor. The list below suggests some of the key qualities.


1 Confidence

2 Self-awareness

3 Non-judgmental

4 Empathic

5 Communicative

6 Eye for detail

7 Patience

8 Resilience

9 Ethical practice

10 Trusting

11 Pragmatic

12 Organised


Another attribute, often overlooked or found wanting, is an ability to address self-care and achieve a reasonable work-life balance. It's the key to avoiding burn-out in any helping profession. Counsellors need to be diligent when it comes to self-care. Resilience can only take us so far.




Counsellors need to be diligent when it comes to their own self-care. Resilience can only take us so far.


If you've been thinking about the possibility of becoming a counsellor and have found yourself 'ticking' the qualities listed above, why not give it some more thought? Take some time to look into what training courses are available. You could begin with an introduction to listening skills course.


You may find the following links useful:









  • Writer's picturemarypascallcounselling
    • Jan 12, 2022
    • 3 min read

Feeling stuck? You can find support to make that change

Updated: Mar 31, 2022


A new year and a new approach to my blog. Each month we will focus on a topical theme of counselling, which I hope will help you in your decision to seek therapy and support you in your therapeutic journey. If you're new to my blog, please do take a look at previous posts, which include information on how to find a suitable therapist. Welcome to all.


So 2022 has begun and many of us are wondering what's in store for us. Some, despite the challenges of the pandemic, spent the last days of the old year finalising a plan for the year ahead. Whilst others have plumped for taking each moment as it comes and making the most of things. Then there are those of us who feel, well...stuck.

When you're asking yourself: 'How on Earth did I get to this place?' you're in stuck mode.

Glued, wading through treacle, numbed and zoned out or aching and screaming inside; when you're asking yourself: 'how on Earth did I get to this place?' you're in stuck mode. Longing for other possibilities and unable to imagine what these could be or how to achieve them? Or is your mind all aflicker with fantasies, daydreaming a life that privileged others live, convinced that for you this will never be? Perhaps you are stuck because you are afraid of letting go; because you feel trapped and powerless.



It seems important to acknowledge that feeling stuck is not a choice. Neither is it something that just befalls you. Stuckness takes time to develop. It creeps up on you, climbs stealthily onto your shoulders, grows heavy and then drags.


It can, sometimes, feel oddly reassuring to be stuck and uncomfortable in your self. Perhaps it's the familiarity of the routine, albeit mundane.

It can, sometimes, feel oddly reassuring be stuck and uncomfortable in your self. Perhaps it's the familiarity of the routine, albeit mundane. Like an old coat that's noticeably fraying at the cuffs and hem, it's difficult to shed. So why become unstuck? The answer is that you'll feel better for it and live a life that's more satisfying.


There are phases of being stuck. First comes a recognition that you are experiencing discomfort, dissatisfaction or an unhappiness beyond your control.

There are phases of being stuck. First comes a recognition that you are experiencing discomfort, dissatisfaction or an unhappiness beyond your control. You feel weighed down by your feelings or numbed by the monotony of your routine. Perhaps you make an attempt, maybe several, to break the cycle, but are unsuccessful.


Exhausted, depleted, defeated, you resign yourself to enduring your plight. You may tell yourself, or be told by others, that there are reasons why you should accept your lot. You feel flat; you believe that others around you are happy and making progress, whilst you are stuck in a rut. Or you may slip into denial, disconnecting from reality; from the life you're living.


So how do you become unstuck? Only when you begin to crave change do you begin the process of becoming unstuck. Even if there's only a flicker of desire, there's hope.

So how do you become unstuck? Only when you begin to crave change do you begin the process of becoming unstuck. Even if there's only a flicker of desire, there's hope. But you have to choose to change. Becoming unstuck is not an easy task; it requires commitment and considerable effort on your part. Such a craving can be difficult and painful, and there's no way of telling how long it may last. You could attempt to tackle this alone or with the help of those who care for you, but the support of a counsellor can be highly beneficial.


You could attempt to tackle this alone or with the help of those who care for you, but the support of a counsellor can be highly beneficial.

An important part of becoming unstuck involves recognising what it is that you want to change and then what steps you may have to take to achieve this. Taking responsibility is key. This will feel risky and will require working on increasing your motivation and self-confidence. These are areas where the right therapist can offer support. Right. as in right for you (see my post on 'How do I find a good therapist?').


So whether you're waiting to see what opportunities may come your way, wanting to take control and develop a plan, trying to embrace the present, or all three of the above, It's a good time to seek support from a therapist who can support you through the process of becoming unstuck. The right therapist will encourage and help build your self-confidence, so that you can move towards making a change.


Become unstuck - choose to take the chance to change.


You may be interested in the following:





  • Writer's picturemarypascallcounselling
    • Oct 25, 2021
    • 2 min read

Addressing race in therapy is no longer a matter of choice for therapists

Updated: Nov 2, 2021


Humans differ and, as humans, we notice difference. Some of us consider race to be a defining characteristic - we see it as part of our identity and our experience informs us that others see this, too.


Some, in their effort to unite humanity, 'see' only the 'human race'. Then there are those who, perhaps, though not intentionally avoidant, do not 'see' race or colour due to their denial, or privilege. And there are some, who do not wish to describe themselves or others in racial terms. For such thinking can be limiting, it can divide us, it can bleed into the hierarchical system of patriarchy where race, skin tone, ethnicity, culture, class, gender and sexuality are all skewed to create an elite whilst denigrating all others.


It may indeed be argued that race is fake. It is indeed a construct - a counterfeit theory rooted in the idea that skin tone, features, ethnicity, culture and beliefs are grounds for denying certain individuals, groups, communities, nations, the right to respect and autonomy. For has it not been forged from a despotic desire to divide, conquer and rule.


But if race is not real, how come it has such impact? How come it divides us? And why do so many of us identify with it?


When you choose to 'see' race, inevitably, you see racism. Racism hurts and such pain is real and particular.

There is meaning in both the denial and acceptance of race. It's understandable that so many of us make a conscious choice, or a less conscious choice, to not 'see' race or colour. For when we choose to 'see' race, inevitably, we see racism. Racism hurts and such pain is real and particular.



The therapy profession is being made increasingly aware of the need to address the hurt caused by racism.

In the era of so-called 'wokeness', the therapy profession is being made increasingly aware of the need to address the hurt caused by racism. There

is currently a call for therapists

inexperienced in working with issues of race, to undergo relevant training, to ensure that they can meet the needs of clients whose racial and cultural identities differ from their own. It's no longer a matter of choice for therapists.



If you're experiencing difficulty around race...

Whether you're experiencing difficulties around racial identity, interracial relationship or discrimination, it's okay to seek support. Talking with the right therapist can help. When looking for a therapist, you may find it useful to consider the following:

  • Is there a clear indication that the therapist includes working with race in their practice? Does this information appear on their website, blog or profile?

  • Does the therapist have any experience or training in working with race issues?

  • During your enquiry, let the therapist know that you wish to explore issues of race. How does the therapist respond? Can they be explicit?

  • Is the therapist a member of a relevant organisation that supports the availability of therapy for those wanting to address issues of race?


If you're a therapist or other helping professional...

You may be interested in a programme I have developed for helping professionals wishing to explore the significance of race, culture and heritage in the context of their work. For more information, see the workshops page on my website. https://www.marypascallcounselling.com/creativespaces



Other useful links:






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